


Consequential

by Ephemeral_Everlast



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Comedy, Hilarity, M/M, Romance, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-14
Updated: 2013-02-24
Packaged: 2017-11-25 11:25:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/638381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ephemeral_Everlast/pseuds/Ephemeral_Everlast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When competitive rivalry sparks something much more profound, results of any sort are inevitable. Inuyasha/Kouga</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Conclusions

**Author's Note:**

> Over the years, I've always had this idea in my head about writing a very funny, persistent love story. This is one of those tales, with the pairing of Inuyasha/Kouga.
> 
> A few things before we begin this five chapter story:
> 
> 1.) Deviation from canon is intentional. I call it a fanfiction author's creative license.
> 
> 2.) In regards to number 1, I'm taking out some of the events of the anime and manga - for the story's purpose - and merging it with events of my own devising. (Ex: In here, Kouga's jewel shards were never taken by Naraku.)
> 
> 3.) If you're not into the pairing, don't bother trying with trying to negate my story; it is fanfiction and everyone who writes it can do as they please.
> 
> 4.) Rated as such for a lot of swearing. Like, really, Kouga cusses like a sailor in here. And sexual frustration is a must.
> 
> 5.) This takes place over the course of one year, at any point in the story-line the goddess Takahashi has created, with every season. Consider this chapter the very, very early spring.
> 
> 6.) I promise my AN won't be this long ever again.
> 
> I own nothing. If I did, my demands would be endless, lengthy, and more than likely, costly. Also, they would defy the laws of physics and reason.

_"The value of identity of course is that so often with it comes purpose." ~Richard Grant_

Expectations were a permanent part of Kouga's existence. He accepted that willingly, without complaint or attempts to shirk the responsibility of his status onto someone else. It was decided before he was born that he would be the leader, the Prince of the Eastern wolf-tribe, and he never was one to barter with destiny, with the hands of the Fates themselves. Others looked up to him, and expected him to be their leader, ruthlessly strong, and of course, a prime example for the generations to come. He had a calling, a mental compass that tilted, twirled, and took his legs where he needed to go.

At least, that was how he once thought of his life, one month previously.

With the way that his thought pattern had shifted, his mind described the inner-situation in an over-played hyperbole of only the highest dramatic caliber. Even now he had a hard time distinguishing what exactly happened, or how. The moment the realization came, splintering through his previous mode of existence, he felt a clarity that made the stars appear as if they were rattling in the velvet skies, shaking with an earth-shattering moment of clarity. There was no orbit, there was levity, and he felt as if he was going mad.

It was not quite that extreme he knew, and Kouga took full responsibility for the foolish exaggerations that had run rampant in his mind.

It was a month before, for right then, the moon had fully risen in the skies. Kouga remembered how big the moon looked one month ago, and he recalled being scared to his very core, rattled beyond rational thought. Had Ginta or Hakkaku attempted to speak with him, they would have received no intelligent reply, merely a strand of incoherent babbling that had nothing to do with anything. Realizations, especially those that filled the heart with life-altering conclusions, were never very pretty to watch.

Currently, the moon was shielded by the wispy remnants of a half-finished cloud, and it swathed the moon in a gray blanket, as if to both comfort the orb and lull it into a state of somnolence. This was hardly the time for sleep, for there were words that had to be said, people that had to be consoled, and someone important to speak to...

Kouga felt the coppery tang of blood coat his tongue and he spat a few times, cursing loudly. He had no idea that he had even been chewing his lip, much less biting it hard enough to break the skin.

A sigh of exasperation slipped past his lips, and he shook his head, acknowledging the horror that it was happening _again_.

Ever since the past month - or, as he deemed it the "night-where-he realized-something-awful-and-wonderful" - he caught himself staring off into the ether, looking at nothing, but staring nonetheless. This tended to happen when he was running with his pack mates, and sometimes, he discovered that he'd led them off in the opposite direction of where they were supposed to be going. Had he been the old Kouga, the one who blamed his personal down-falls on others, he would have cursed Ginta and Hakakku, clacked their heads together, and demanded why they didn't tell him they were running in the wrong direction for the better part of the day.

But he wasn't that person anymore, as strange as it was to admit. The instant he realized his navigational error, Kouga stopped immediately by a stream, bid his family to drink, and then he told them with enough chagrin to last a lifetime, that he was responsible for running them off course, into an oblique unknown.

He would never forget the looks on their faces when he'd admitted he was wrong. They had stared at him, blinked a few times, and then stared some more. Then, after a full minute of intense scrutiny - of which, Kouga didn't really think was necessary - they shrugged and said that everyone made mistakes. They had the memories of koi sometimes, and they forgave just as easily. He clapped their backs, thanked them, and then promptly left them in his dust.

Other than the ridiculous amount of day-dreaming and thinking he was doing - of which, he was relatively new at - he found that something was happening within his physical body. At first, Kouga thought that he was coming down with fever, that he had eaten some diseased kill, or both.

The first week it happened, Kouga remembered staring up through a cloistering of tree-branches, thinking that the word irony, a definition he never really understood until now, was the perfect term to describe this feeling. If he was dying, it was before he had the chance to come to a conclusion, to follow through on a barely-there plan that was forming in his mind during all of this thinking. Sometimes on these nights, he feared closing his eyes, for he truly thought he was dying from something, as pathetic as that was to admit.

Kouga found himself short of breath for no reason, his skin was prickly, almost as if he sensed an approaching lightning storm, and his heart thundered in his chest, knocking against his bones with the intensity of an enraged tribal drummer. Everything was intensified, every sense a physical live-wire.

Now Kouga also understood a new word: tragedy. It was a tragic thing to die with so much feeling inside of you, especially when the purpose of the emotion was for it to be released. If his body was going out, then he knew that he would die with this feeling inside of him, for he was too far away from the person that had become the source of his musings as of late.

After the week passed, Kouga realized that the skin-tingling prickles, the way his stomach churned, twisted and knotted, the sudden flush that came over his face and neck, and especially, the way his heart jumped out of nowhere had to do with the feeling. It was all tied together in this wicked, ever-tangled knot that interestingly enough, Kouga had no desire to escape from anytime soon. It was the biggest contradiction, the biggest moral plight he had ever faced.

It was also a clear indication that no part of this plan would be easy, especially if he thought that he was leaning in Death's doorway before the plan had the chance to come to fruition. If he was going to jump to every conceivable outcome, then he may as well have admitted defeat right then.

Kouga was never one for giving up, even when the odds were stacked so heavily against him, he could no longer see the skies. He simply faced these odds with a smirk, grinned, and charged head-first into battle, despite how he sometimes turned tail and ran away. He had known retreat; now he would know how it felt to attempt a true victory.

A gush of wind to his immediate left alerted Kouga to her arrival, snapping him from his inner-reverie. She was the one he had to talk to first, as strange as that seemed. The first steps were the most crucial, and from the way she was glaring at him, this would be the furthest thing from simple.

Ayame took one look at him, sighed and shook her head, the red pig-tails of her hair creating small crimson whips. She held her arm akimbo to the rest of her body, and with the way her hand was snugly tucked against her hip, the stance suited her. She looked ever the princess, albeit a very annoyed one.

"Kouga, what's up? Why did you want to meet with me, hmm?" Her emerald eyes flashed in the moonlight, and he saw more than anger there. There was curiosity, hurt, and above all, hope. Foolish, misconstrued hope that would never serve as anything other than wasted emotion. That was entirely his fault, and he choked back the rush of guilt he felt on her behalf.

He nodded to her in greeting. "Hey Ayame. I have something to tell you. It's gonna sound...pretty crazy." He broke eye-contact with her for a brief moment, but then he thought better of it. Now was hardly the time for cowardice, for feet-shuffling or looking at anything but her eyes. It was the time to be a prince.

Ayame's eyes softened, and she looked around the field they were in, as if to give him more time to come up with his words. It was quite the scenic route, a small clearing filled with tightly closed flower-buds, and a thick cluster of trees to his direct left. The silence was purged with the gurgling of a far-off brook, and the sound soothed him away from past shame, reminding him that this was what needed to be done.

Her trust of this moment was misplaced, for if she suspected that he was going to reveal some romantic intent, she was in for a painful wake-up call. It was the way it had to be. To be responsible, and to take charge of this seemingly uncontrollable situation, he had to begin one step at a time.

Ayame moistened her lips with her tongue, then ended the silence. "Should I sit down?" Kouga almost nodded, but he knew that if they sat down, she would inevitably get too close to him, and once he revealed to her his reasoning for bringing her here, she would more than likely cry, slap him or attempt to inflict bodily harm on his person. Either way the latter option would occur, but physical contact couldn't happen right then.

"No, I think we should stay standing." He cleared his throat, then began saying what should have been said a long, long time before. "Ayame, I don't love you." She opened her mouth to speak, and he noticed the way her lip trembled, the way that her eyes lost their verdant sheen. His words held such power over her and it sickened him. Shame coiled in his gut, but he refused to lose his nerve to self-pity. "Ayame, before I continue, please don't say anything until I finish." She blinked and then after an intense once-over, nodded. He could hear the sound of her heart breaking from here, and though it killed him to know he was causing her pain, it was for the best. "I love someone else..."

"Kagome, right? The human? She'll grow old and die! We're youkai, Kouga, and we're not meant to mingle with human affairs!" She was never really good at listening to him, especially when it mattered the most.

"Ayame...it's not her." Her mouth opened, but no words were spoken. Her eyes voiced the question: if not Kagome, the little shard-detector, then who? "That's what I wanted to tell you: I'm over Kagome, forever." Forever was a strong word, but he understood the severity of using it at this point in his life. Before, he had thrown around words such as marriage, forever, and especially, love. Hell, he hadn't known what such a meaning meant yet, and now, though he was in the thick of the feeling itself, he still didn't know quite what it meant.

"Is it...another human girl? A female wolf-demon?" He shook his head to both assumptions, and her eyes narrowed to the earth, as if she was running through a mental tabulation of every possible candidate. She would never guess correctly, even if she was given the entire evening. She was of quick mind, but Kouga knew that she wouldn't think of the possibility of him being interested in his own gender. He had to hand it to her: even when she was angry at him, no matter how testy she got, she always believed the best of him.

"No, it's no one like that." She gave him a look that said that he had better get on with it, lest she shove her foot down his throat. "It's Inuyasha." Her eyes widened, her mouth opened in a small O, and she inhaled a sharp breath.

She seemed to be waiting for the punch line, for the moment when he would tell her that it was all a joke, and that Ginta and Hakkaku were waiting in the bushes, laughing their tails off. That would never happen. The truth was many a terrible, liberating thing.

When Ayame saw the serious set to his face, any trace of humor vanished with the coming breeze. Her scent permeated the air around his nose, and he had to admit that she didn't smell bad at all, but very good. With all the time she spent in the mountains, her skin had a pine aroma, as well as the scent of the crisp winter air all at once. He was sure that her hair smelt the same way, if not like the iris she wore pinned on her head. However, it did nothing to elicit any sensual reaction in him.

"You're being serious, aren't you?" He nodded, and she took another breath. "Go on. Sorry for interrupting you." Her eyes fell to the grass, almost as if she was afraid to look him in the eye. He would have none of that.

"Ayame, please look at me." She didn't budge, much less roll her eyes up to meet his gaze. "Come on now...I want to explain this properly." Playfulness was replaced with austerity and eloquence, and when he adopted this persona, all those around him knew he meant business.

She nodded and looked him directly in the eye, both out of respect, and curiosity. "Okay. Tell me."

He took a deep breath, and began to speak. "First, I want you to know that you have every right to blame me. Really, I'd be pissed if someone saved me, told me they'd marry me, and then became infatuated with a human. Be as mad as you'd like. You can even kick my ass if you want; I won't stop you." She remained rooted to the spot, then nodded her head curtly, motioning that he could continue. "I also want to formerly release you from what I said." Pride be damned, he had to go to his knees.

His kneecaps hit the earth, and he looked up at Ayame. In a backwards time, in a mirror image of this event, this was how humans proposed. He was doing the opposite however: setting her free from his puerile promise of royal youkai matrimony. "Ayame of the Northern wolf-tribe, I set you free from any promise I made, from any and all obligations, intentions, and responsibilities I've placed on you from this moment forward. You're free to choose any mate you want, and you don't need to impress me, or my clan, any longer." He figured that was as good a speech as he was going to give right now.

Ayame took a step backwards, almost as if she did not want to believe what was happening. That was the truth of reality: one had to step forward to begin accepting it. She knew this, took two steps forward, and with grim resolve, nodded.

"You don't have to be on your knees." She held out her hand, and though there was pain in her tear-filled eyes, she helped him to his feet.

The moment he was righted, she kicked him squarely in the jaw. He reeled back, shook his head a few times, and he couldn't help but grin.

_"There's_ the Ayame I know." He felt a small smile play on his lips, one that wasn't taunting, but filled with a puppy-play of sorts. It was also a grimace, a quirk of the mouth of one who knew he was getting exactly what he deserved. "Come on, I know you're mad at me. Get it all out."

Ayame stood there, fuming, panting, glaring, and then she was upon him. Her small fists spared his body nothing, and for that he was glad. The last thing he wanted was a menial punishment, especially since he was so deserving of this beating. She screamed at him, and the scent of salt in the air sliced directly through bone, meeting his heart. The physical pain did not bother him much, for it only stung; what hurt, was the thought that he had inadvertently wasted this female's youth and more importantly, her time. She deserved to live without this heartbreak. This gift of his silence, the gift of simply standing there and taking this was the least he could offer her, but she would take nothing else from him. It was the purest form of closure: punching the one who had wronged you in the kisser.

She did not stop there. Ayame scratched him a few times, tugged his hair free from the band with skilled claws, and finally, delivered a round-house kick to his stomach. He winced and let out a steady release of breath, falling over from the painful sensations that enveloped his body. Black dots ebbed to and from his line of vision, and he coughed, tasting blood. These were merely surface wounds and would heal in a few minutes, if he was allowed to rest. What mattered he knew, was that Ayame healed.

Ayame's breath steadied, the breeze climaxed once more, and he was allowed his rest. He gripped the grass beneath him, shook his head a few times to clear it, and he stood, knowing the hardest part was over. Now it was the festering aftermath that had to be looked after.

He cracked his neck, bound his hair up again, and took a deep breath. There would be plenty of questions, and he would answer them to the best of his ability, even beyond that if need be. After nearly getting his brain stem knocked loose by a vengeful female, he gave new credence to the phrase, "Hell hath no fury."

Her exasperated sigh broke his train of thought. "Inuyasha?" He nodded, and he knew she yearned to ask why, why a mere half-breed had won favor over her, how this had happened, and above all, how the hell he could find it in himself to love someone who was supposed to be his rival. Whoever said that things didn't change deserved a moment in his position, merely to feel what it was like to be on the cusp of this stage of fragile metamorphosis.

His bad decisions had led to this moment of clear-sight, and he knew what needed to be done. "Yes, him. It sounds crazy, but it's true."

She threw her arms in the air, and began to pace. In the moonlight, she looked like some sort of vengeful faerie that had taken human form, merely to scold him and point out everything wrong with this feeling. It was not like he didn't already know the complications it arose, the rumors it would spread, or the immediate change his life would take if word got out. However, he was willing to listen nonetheless, for she deserved to vent.

"Kouga, what are you going to do about your post? You're the leader! The Prince! What about children, pups, a mate..." she halted in mid-stride, almost as if she was considering some gruesome possibility. The moment he understood what she was thinking about, his face wrinkled in disgust, and he felt it challenging to suppress gagging noises.

"Ayame, that's fucking impossible." Screw eloquence, that was just...wrong. "Inuyasha can't bear me pups. I mean, we're guys...the parts don't work right...the plumbing is wrong..." he was sure his entire face had turned an embarrassing shade of red, the same red as the once half-breed's haori. Once half-breed, for Kouga made a promise to himself to never call Inuyasha that ever again. He shook his head, banning any and all images of _that_ and focused on what was possible, what he would make damn possible even if it killed him.

Ayame sighed and rubbed a hand through her hair. She seemed to be more peeved than anything, but it was clear that the thirst for the physical desire to inflict violence on him had passed. "Kouga, what are you going to do? Abandon your post?"

Truth be told, he had no fucking clue. However, it was a possibility.

Kouga shrugged, and his nonchalance made a sharp red-light cross Ayame's eyes. "Sure. If that's what it takes. I'll give it up if I need to."

Her jaw dropped with the way he spoke of his title, almost as if he was merely discussing giving away a present he did not want anymore. "That's so irresponsible! What will the ancestors say? My grandfather, the leaders before you, the pack, my pack...what will everyone think?"

It was then that every emotion, the building rage and panic, the tingling feeling of this new-found love and the volition it inspired came to a thundering, physical crest.

For the lack of a better, prettier word, Kouga exploded. "I don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks! I never have, nor will I begin now! I'm the Prince, right, the leader? Then I'll just resign and give the responsibility over to someone else. I mean, it's responsible of me to admit that I'm not fit to lead just because I fell in love with Inuyasha, right?" He snarled, and he knew that his eyes were narrowed into nothing more than blue slits. The anger was not solely directed towards Ayame, but to the entirety of the situation, and what would indubitably arise from it. He was glaring at the world entire, the fucking lot of it.

Ayame stepped back a few feet, then stood her ground. "I never said any of that...it's just blood, Kouga. "

"Yeah, well, fuck that! Screw whoever claimed I don't have a choice! We all have a choice! We do. We have to." He narrowed his eyes at her, almost as if daring her to oppose him so that he could verbally raze any remark she could have made. She was silent. "Whatever. I'm sure the thought crossed your mind at least once, that I'm not fit to rule because of who I prefer in my bed, right?" She flushed scarlet, tears brimming her eyes once more and he knew that a line had been crossed from his anger. His damn temper, it always got the best of him.

_'Baby steps.'_ Kouga took a deep breath as an excuse to not speak anymore and shame himself further. "Ayame...I'm sorry. Believe me, if I would have known that I'd fall for that wonderful half-breed, I would have high-tailed it to the mountains and never come back again. I'll just give the title to Ginta or Hakkaku, they'll make terrific leaders." He figured if he got in the habit of using an adjective before the word half-breed, it would make the term less harmful. Also, he figured that if he joked around a little more, awful situations would be even less.

The tenor of her laughter blistered through the anger in the air, and before long, the wind blew away their tension. There was still plenty of hurt, awkwardness, and all of the other wonderful emotions that came after such a display, but Kouga was fine with that.

"You're...you're crazy!" She clutched her stomach, and her tears were of mirth, not of anguish. He shrugged, and could not help the smile that tugged at his lips. She really was a good girl, an extraordinary person who would make some lucky male-wolf very, very happy.

"Yeah, well, I'm full of surprises tonight. Besides, you're pretty familiar with matters of the heart. You're familiar with persistence. Well, now it's my turn." Ayame shook her head, wiped at her eyes, and then straightened her posture. She met his eyes, and looked at him for so long, he wondered if he would melt into a puddle, burst into flames, or both once she was done with her scrutiny. Either she was mentally reciting some sort of death spell on him that would give him hell for the rest of his days...or she was just looking at him for a long moment, for she knew that this was the last she would see of the foolish wolf who held her heart for a long while.

Kouga knew he was not a bad guy, far from it. However, he was just not right for her, and he was not the man of her dreams, the one who would be mated to her for life. He was a wolf on a mission, someone who wanted to tear Naraku apart with his bare hands for what he did to his clan, and as of late, stop at nothing to make Inuyasha his.

"...are you sure? You really didn't mean what you said, about the promise?" It was as much a question as it was a statement.

That was the thing about a rainbow, he realized in a flash of epiphany, and promises that were made and believed would be kept: the significance faded just as easily. They were brilliant colors, pretty words but they dissolved with the approaching dawn.

"No. I was stupid to even say that. I must have been high on something. The air was thick with something that night." She chuckled briefly, but with the frown on her lips, he knew that it would be a long, long time before she ever laughed at any humor he attempted on her again. What happened before had been a fluke. "Believe me, Ayame: you don't want me. Hell, I doubt Inuyasha even will."

The moment he spoke those words out-loud he realized two things: he was both brave and stupid, and that was his worst fear. That was so incredibly sappy, cheesy, corny...but it was true. Even if that meant that he had turned into some sap-sucking, cheese-eating, corn-picking fool, so be it.

Kouga shook his head and massaged his temples. He honestly had no idea what had gotten into him lately. His mind was coming up with the stupidest shit.

_'Maybe that's what this love thing is all about...heh, go figure.'_

"I'll help you." Kouga blinked a few times, and resisted the urge to rub his finger in his ear. Did he just hear that Ayame would help him? Help him with what? Talk to the elders and the head-honchos in charge of the entirety of the wolf-clans? As helpful as that would be...

Then it dawned on him like a slant of blinding light. "What? No!" She looked taken aback, and to his utter disbelief, crestfallen. He softened a little, for he knew that this was admirably mature of her. After getting her heart broken by him, the last thing he expected was for her to offer up her services to get the guy. Get the guy...yes, he had officially lost his mind now.

"What I meant is, that you don't need to feel obligated, Ayame. This is something I gotta do on my own. If it's not done by me, I don't really deserve it, you know?" Heaven above, he was talking about a potential and very fatuous attempt at courtship with Inuyasha. His sanity was probably sprouting little wings and flying off into the skies now, laughing about how it had been nice knowing him.

Ayame spoke, and her words were a comfort. "I understand. That part anyways." She shook her head, and a brief laugh escaped her lips. "Inuyasha...I never would have guessed in a million centuries that it would be him. He's a lucky guy." She looked to the sky for a moment, and with the way the mercurial bands of light fell from the heavens in strips of white-washed color, she looked like the epitome of a girl...no, a woman in the midst of realization. Ayame was coming to her own conclusions, even if she did practically break his jaw to gain mental insight. "If there's anything you need, you know where to find me." Her voice was deceiving, for he knew that she was in true pain, for it was obvious on her face. Tears leaked from her eyes, her lips were trembling, but her voice was strong, resolute. She was learning how to be strong as well.

He wished he could be the good guy, the right guy for her, and just take her in his arms to comfort her. He would do no such thing, for all that would serve was more time spent giving her mixed signals. Nothing but honesty would come from him, from now on. It felt so vindicating.

"I will. Take care, Ayame." She nodded, and then became a silver tornado of speed. He blinked, and she was gone.

Kouga shook his head, sighing out-loud. This love thing was pretty fucking complicated. First he thought he was dying, then he came up with a half-assed plan...and then he just got out of a marriage he never wanted. This feeling made people and youkai alike do some crazy, terrible, wonderful things.

With Ayame gone, his head was clear from all but the deluge of emotions that threatened to pull him under. Part of him wanted to beg her to come back, not for her love or for anything sensual, but merely because his pride was on the line, not to mention his family blood-line. Years upon years, wasted, all because he thought he loved someone who more than likely hated him.

Hate. The line between the word love, a word that had countless meanings, and hate, a word that had a concrete definition was not as different as he once thought.

Simplicity. Normalcy. Kouga had no idea what that looked like anymore.

But Kouga knew what such terms felt like. He felt it when he ran, when all he knew was the sound of his feet hitting the forest floor, bending twigs and the grass beneath his feet. He felt it when his chest thrummed with energy and vigor, when his lungs worked hard to support both the exercise and the instinct to go, to flee, to fly. That was still fairly normal, a constant in his world.

_'Not for long.'_ He knew that the only way for any of this to be possible was to give up the jewel shards, the ones that made him worthy to rule, worthy to marry. Although, if it was as easy to give up an entire throne and title with the yanking of a few pieces of a jewel, then he would do it right then.

Not needing any forewarning, he broke into a dead-sprint. Kouga felt the power of the shards emanate through his entire being, a sacred flame fanning his soul, one that whispered promises in the crackling of fire, promises of power and strength of which no one had ever known. That voice would be extinguished, as if a god had bit the tip of the eternal wick, cutting off his source from the capability of the jewel.

_'It never really belonged to me anyways. I'll give it up.'_

The world became a blur of frenzied images, but he saw it all, the entire picture: there was the sky directly above him, hovering in a hollowed out bowl of dark, swirling colors. Stars were mixed in, spilling over the sides in a bridge of constellations and galaxies where his ancestors roamed the heavens on celestial fields, their howls creating the dawn. And there was the moon, the very being that had elicited such a change deep within himself, a change he could hardly fathom.

With the way the light was pouring down on his moving figure, he could not help but think of the light as silver. Humans with their poor eye-sight would never be able to see it, but instead of the turquoise glow of the moon, it was mainly white, a liquid pearl of color.

It was just like his freaking hair. Kouga had never seen such pretty hair on another male before. Sure, some of the leaders of the wolf clan enjoyed grooming themselves until even the ticks on their pelt were shining, but he was never really into the vanity thing. He preferred the necessities, and nothing more.

However, towards the object of his affections, thoughts, and feelings, Inuyasha was the exception. Aside from that finely clothed, human-collecting half-brother of his with the flashy armor and swords, Kouga had never really seen anyone with such long, silver hair. If you counted Ayame's grandfather however, or the occasional wolf-pelt, his view on the color was severely lacking. Hair that long tended to be a nuisance, which was why he always bound his up and back with his leather hair-strap, along with the tie. His father had given it to him 150 years ago, and it had not broke or been misplaced once.

Inuyasha's hair more than likely never tangled. He had never touched it, but he imagined it was like running his hands over a current of silk-smooth water, a rumbling of a wave that remained still just for him. That sort of feeling. The color was as white as snow that had not been soiled by filthy paws or mud-caked soles, and just as pure as the lightest quicksilver. His ears were just the same shade, and inside, there were little pink spots that reminded him of the younger pups in his clan, back in the caves and mountains.

Inuyasha was a bit of a contradiction then: beautiful, but ever so innocent, despite his sharp tongue and subjective temper.

Kouga shook his head, thinking that if there was a way he could wish his thoughts to an immediate stand-still, he would take the offer in a heart-beat.

The forest was black, but he could see everything clearly, perhaps more clearly than it had ever been. He smiled and worked his legs harder, pumping his arms into the stride. He dodged trees, boulders, the occasional fallen log with ease, and leaped over a large stream, one that was so wide, he didn't think he would clear it. He did though, and when he landed, he gave a loud cry of triumph. Luck was on his side, and as far as he was concerned, Fate.

Kouga finally paused his energetic and somewhat feverish run, and he smiled, realizing he had arrived at his desired point. This was his special thinking spot, a place that he used to go to if he wanted to think and escape everyone for just a little while. So many memories of training here, of laughing with people he cared about, and simply relishing the solitude were spent here.

It was a cliff-side that fell away into a large open expanse of land. From the vantage point, one could see all of the rivers and streams, fields of both crops and flowers, animal migrations, and most importantly, the sunrise. He would witness the golden tide of light bathing the entirety of the picturesque scene, setting the world on fire, along with his steady volition.

For a long time, he just stood there, absorbing what he had done, what he wanted to do, and what had yet to be. There was still so much that could potentially go wrong, so many factors working against him that he would wind up flat on his back, not knowing which way was up. There were risks involved, risks that would hurt not only his life and heart, but the life and heart of Inuyasha as well. When something as strange and as unrivaled as maybe-but-maybe-not unrequited love came about, there was no cosmic rule about it. He would just go with it, do what felt right at the time, and above all, not give up.

Unless Inuyasha expressed nothing for him. When he told him, there would be shock, the jaw-dropping awe that came when you revealed out of the clear blue that you adored someone. There would be anger, for either Inuyasha would think he was luring him into a false sense of security, or just doing this for some elaborate joke. It was not simply an understatement that Inuyasha did not trust easily.

If, Kouga promised himself, even after all of his persistence and attempts to be with the once half-breed failed...then he would move on. Nothing was worse than someone proclaiming their undying love and devotion for you, day in and day out, until all you wanted to do was either scream and run away, or scream, say that it could never work out, and then run away.

But for now, there would be no running.

"Look at me now, Pop; your boy's all grown up." Kouga said this to no one and everyone, nothing and everything. Though both of his parents were buried, their bodies long since decayed, their spirits roaming the velvet frontier forever, he felt as if he was speaking directly to them. "You too, Mom. I'm grown up, and I'm taking responsibility." It might not have been in the way any of them had expected, but the truth was that he was doing it, regardless of past expectations.

Though there were politics of being part of the wolf-clans, everyone still held the creed of instinct deep within their bones. All wolves, no matter who they were, thirsted to run free, to be unbound by the characteristics of humans, of man, and of anything that took them away from the nature they so desired. By nature, that meant the literal green earth beneath their feet, or the way their inner-desires spoke. If they wanted food, they killed for it. If they wanted adventure, they searched for it by any means. And if they wanted love, they strove towards it, for wolf love was said to be the best sort of love there was. The instinct for romantics was simple: let the one you care for know of your intentions, and go from there.

It was simple, and Kouga would try and keep it that way. Even if it meant that he would be the butt of the joke for a long time, maybe even for the rest of his life, that was a risk he was willing to take. No...not just take, but thrive in, declare ownership over, and above all, relish. He would not let any pompous adversary that happened to be in the position of leadership take a jab at him just because of his sexuality. So he liked males, big freaking deal. It did not make him any less of a youkai, less than a male, and he would set anyone who dared quarrel with him straight on the matter.

The entire prerogative sounded dramatic, yet it held an austere undertone. It was true: love, and the matters of the heart, were never something to be treated lightly. He'd done that twice before, and it had wound him in a heap of trouble.

His mother had always called him straightforward, and his father always called him a wise-ass with a good heart; now was his chance to prove both were true.

With the dawn's first light, Kouga thrust open his arms, almost as if he yearned to embrace the light, joining it in its gilded song over the valley. He closed his eyes, and the frosty air of the beginning sunlight coasted over his skin in an unmatched warmth. This felt wonderful.

In this moment, he felt like he was literally embracing Fate. Whether or not he really believed in Fate, he had no clue. What he did know however, was that there had to be some sort of cosmic driving force behind what took place in life, and he was ready for it; he had arrived at his conclusion.

Limpid-blue eyes opened, a smile graced a ruggedly handsome face, and in a flash of steel armor and dark-honey fur, Kouga was off to create part two of his plan.

_1-Yes, I poked fun at male-pregnancy, for that's just impossible._

_2-I don't hate Ayame, but I do dislike her about as much as I do Kagome._

_3-Four more chapters to go, surprises ahead, and something involving a cliffhanger, in both the figurative and literal sense of the word._


	2. Infuriating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _In this chapter, there's a very funny but interesting philosophy on love, banter, swearing, anger, and a whole heap of character development. If you had not noticed by now, I like breaking open facets of my favorite characters, pairing them together in funny ways that fall into my "oops" way of romance, and exploring aspects of who they are. There will be naughtiness afoot though, hold onto your hats._

_"When love is not madness, it is not love." Pedro Calderon de la Barca_

There was a time when every leader, no matter who they were, had to resort to desperate measures to get their point across. The same could be said for Kouga, for he had a half-baked plan to go on, but not much else. The course of necessary action was in a few steps, and if there was one thing he took comfort it, it was that everything he was doing now would get him where he wanted to be. Immobility, that limbo-state that he despised got him nowhere fast. If humans, youkai, and really anything that lived wanted something, all they had to do was take steps to procure what they desired, no matter what it was. Movement was what mattered, actions and steps toward the ultimate prize.

However, this was not just _some_ prize, _some_ conquest that would prove his masculinity, title, or rank to the entirety of the wolf-clans, if not the world in length. This was something much more miniscule compared to true feats of the mind. However, if anyone told him that love and following through on feelings was pathetic, a waste of breath, then he would spare quite a fair bit of his time beating them to a bloody-pulp, promptly leaving them tied to a rock in the forest to teach them a lesson.

This was one of the toughest battles he had ever faced. Forget Naraku and all of his familiars, forget the Birds of Paradise; _this_ was the fight that would define him.

If he followed through on that thought, he came to another conclusion: the battles that mattered the most rarely happened outside of the mind. He then congratulated himself on learning something new out of this, scratched his chin a few times, and then focused on his plan.

All Kouga knew was that if he continued coasting along on this self-made volition that he conjured up after three sleepless nights, a lot of pacing, and thoughts that bordered on insanity, he was certain to attain victory.

Phase one had been in meeting with Ayame and giving her a deal that would exempt her from any claims he had on her heart. The last thing he wanted was to chain someone down under petty, nebulous obligations. She had kicked him good because he had broken her heart, but he knew that she would bounce back very soon, for it was just in her way. Some lucky wolf would be honored to rule at her side, as her mate and prince.

Phase two was a little more involved. Not nearly as complicated as explaining himself to the wolf-clan, enduring their ridicule and taunts about his sexual dexterity, but it came pretty damn close.  
Either way, he was right where he needed to be, as of right then.

He skidded to a halt, spraying a mist of gravel and dust that coated the morning in a miring of earth-induced fog. Here was the campsite, the place where he left Ginta and Hakkaku early last night. He expressed that he would be back in the morning, and until then, they could wander about as they liked so long as they returned to that spot come the dawn. They agreed to his terms - as always - but afterwards, they continued their scrutiny, almost as if they suspected he was some Naraku-counterpart in the guise of their pack leader and friend. It was both unsettling and embarrassing to be treated so strangely, considering the years they had known one another. However, he knew that he would be doing the same thing if he was in their position, and the leader of the trio he followed began acting nicer. Nicer meant out-of-his-character which meant one thing: he had neglected them for years.

Both Ginta and Hakkaku always complained that he didn't care about their feelings. They were correct in that statement, as painful a truth as that was to face. There was nothing redeeming about the way he treated them, as if their heads were filled with rocks, and with his constant jabs at their intelligence, no matter if they were in jest, did not help matters in the least. Had he been in their position, he would have challenged _any_ leader who treated him in such a way, no matter if it meant being forced to submit to their power in the end; he wouldn't tolerate that, and he had no idea why they had for so long. He was surprised that neither of the two had attempted violent rebellion, or had tried to fight him for the position of leadership. All they were guilty of was complaining and telling him, albeit occasionally, that he didn't care about their well-being. They were both sensitive souls, but despite that, they would go to any lengths to protect him.

He had been a stubborn, insolent fool if he thought he could continue with such behavior and emerge unscathed. Sooner or later, had he not recognized this in time, his actions would have caught up with him and he would have been in for a world of hurt. In a worst-case scenario, Ginta and Hakkaku would have abandoned him as friends, comrades, alienating him from even the bonds of brotherhood.  
He thanked whatever god that was on his side - or on the sidelines, laughing their godly asses off - that he had realized this now, before it had been too late to rectify the situation.

Presently, Ginta and Hakkaku were snoring at the river bank. They were curled up next to one another, almost as if they were in true wolf forms, and with the way that their chests rose and fell, in a gentle, syncopated rhythm, they were still ensconced in slumber. Hakkaku mumbled something about wanting to chase a deer, and Ginta had a snot bubble coming out of his nose, one that was bound to pop sooner or later.

He couldn't bring it in himself to rouse them. Not before breakfast at least.

With a gentle look that would have floored any on-looker, Kouga took off into the forest. If it was venison they wanted...

_ikikikiki_

Sometime later, Kouga heard Ginta and Hakkaku stir, murmuring about how that was the best sleep they had gotten in a long time. They scratched their sides, stretched their muscles, and presently tackled one another into the river. Water splashed, and the mingling sound of laughter filled the morning with a joy, an amity that was known only by friendship.

"Hey, Kouga's back!" Hakkaku shook himself off and raced over to the fire where Kouga had been standing. "Welcome back!"

"Yeah, welcome back! We didn't know when you'd be back...sorry about...well..." Ginta gestured to his drenched state, gave Kouga an embarrassed grin that showcased his dimples, and shrugged.

Kouga eyed the two of them, felt a grin split his face into a friendly smile, and he promptly launched himself at them. This resulted in an awkward tangling of limbs, and with his pack mates' lack of balance, they all fell into the river. Had it been a shallow pool, all of them would have broken their necks or something of equal importance on their person. Luckily, gods were on their sides that morning, and the pool was well-suited for spontaneity, especially when it was as welcome as this.

Ginta surfaced, sputtered, and grinned so wide, Kouga knew that he would be wearing that goofy smile all day long. "Hey! You're in a good mood! Did you finally manage to make a move on sister Kagome?"

Hakkaku squirted water out of his mouth, falling back into the water, his limbs working in the backstroke around the pair. "Yeah Chief, tell us! Was your business with sister Kagome?" Once the inquiry was spoken, the lively wolves exchanged a secret-but-not-so-secret look that revealed their worries: that if they thought to ask what his business had been, considering it wasn't any of their business, they would get scolded.

This bullshit ended now. Kouga had enough with the petty trivialities of blood, of rank, and above all, on being a prince. Princes were supposed to be benign and charismatic, and above all, treat others with the respect and the dignity that they deserved, especially if they were family.

"Ginta, Hakkaku...I caught us some breakfast." He grinned, knowing the act was more of a defense mechanism, a frantic pinch of his lips that was painful to create. It more than likely looked like a grimace, as if he had just been punched in the gut instead of enjoying a peaceful moment with his pack mates. "I'll uh...tell you where I've been." He rose to his full height, walked out of the river, shook himself a few times, and chastised himself the entire time in his mind.

_'Whatever happened to being brave, huh? Snap out of it...stick with the plan!'_

"Hey, this looks great! Thanks Kouga!" Kouga nodded absently to Hakkaku, thinking all the while about how to approach the subject. He figured that by forthrightly saying, "Hey guys, I'm not in love with Kagome, for Inuyasha's the handsome devil I want for my own" was an incredibly foolish way of revealing the truth. It did not sound like him, not in the least. He chuckled aloud, for this entire situation was completely insane.

_'It's not supposed to be sane...that's what makes this love thing so fun.'_ Fun. It was more like a royal pain-in-the-ass, a revelation that knocked him over backward and made him act a fool...but it was brilliant all the while, beautiful even in these ungainly moments of racing thoughts and revelations.

He was blunt but he was never the type to reveal life-altering truths, much less inner-secrets, no matter how comfortable he was with someone. He had to be given quite a beating before he would admit that he had made a mistake. His pride, his precious masculine wolf-prince ego was on the line...but nevermore. Pride be damned, he had to speak these words.

It would be vindicating, revealing himself like this to his brothers and pack mates. It would also be terrifying, embarrassing on every level from hell to high-heaven and it would leave him feeling completely vulnerable, a feeling he despised with everything in him. That being said, no one liked to feel weak.

Kouga blinked a few times and realized that he had been staring at the ground - a rock, to be exact - as if every answer to the mysteries of the universe was held in the obtuse edges of the stone. Kouga the Magnificent, Rock Whisperer...

He met the confused looks of both Ginta and Hakkaku and realized with a start that they were waiting for his approval to eat. How he could have forgotten the tradition of waiting for the leader to eat, or being given permission to eat was beyond him, considering it was an instinctive rule of the wolf-clan. Stupid, lengthy, metaphoric thoughts on life, brotherhood, and that worrisome word of love would do that to someone.

"Go on and eat. I'll tell you guys what's up afterwards." Kouga had killed two deer and instead of eating the entirety of one himself, he split the animals into even pieces and gave them two legs each, and a bunch of the fat and muscle on the side. This was very, very rare of him to do, for any wolf-prince to do for that matter. Hunting was a group-effort as much as it was a social event, a way to prove your strength and worth to the pack. It was very uncommon for a wolf - much less a prince - to hunt for his pack on a random day. The exception to the rule was if one was sick or wounded but that was certainly not the case on this day.

So it was with great mental concentration that Kouga grabbed the meat, tore into it with his fangs, and gulped it down as if he had not eaten in weeks. Ginta and Hakkaku shrugged and delved into their own meal as if it was the rare food of a royal banquet instead of just a fat buck that happened to wander too close to their leader's line of vision. They enjoyed themselves, and Kouga noted that they were taking care to use manners; they did not suck on the bones, lick their chops, or showcase anything but the utmost decorum.

That was very kind of them, but it was unnecessary to practice this sort of propriety in the wilderness. Even if they were back in the caves and it was meal-time, everyone present would have cared less about manners and more about the food they were consuming, even the royalty.

After a moment of gnawing on a leg-bone, Kouga sighed, set the bone down, and turned to face his pack brethren. "Alright, this is gonna sound strange. You're gonna look at me funny, think Naraku's replaced my mind with some miniature brain incarnation...or something."

Ginta swallowed, and Hakkaku's eyes opened wide, as if he was mentally tabulating a list of what might have been the topic of conversation.

Ginta spoke first, and from the panic in his eyes, Kouga wondered if he thought that he was dying. "Kouga...nothing you say will change anything. We don't care what it is...right, Hakkaku?" Hakkaku nodded furiously, as if his mind was coming up with answers to Kouga's make-believe admittance.

Kouga felt a genuine smile spread across his lips, and he nodded to the both of them. "Thanks, I appreciate that. Really." He looked them both directly in the eye, and he saw the dread that spread over their features within moments. From the looks of it, they must have thought that he had been cursed by a vengeful goddess or something, and only had a day to live. "Don't worry, I'm not dying or anything." That was true, for he was not dying. He was however, in the deepest sense of the word - no matter how painfully corny it sounded, how cheesy, how sappy - being reborn. In order for something to be come back to life, it had to die first, which meant that his pride was breathing its last. "It involves Kagome and Ayame as well. And Inuyasha." The first two names came out of his mouth, meaning no more to him than the scattered order of letters and words, syllables and phrases that made up the females' names.

When he said Inuyasha's name however, his body knew how significant the mere word was. It felt as if he had become a fire-breathing dragon with the way his throat was suddenly inflamed, his body vibrating, preparing himself for the inevitable flare in his veins, the rush of his pulse that came when he said the name. Kouga found it pathetic that by merely speaking a name, he became something else, something that was not him.

_'Nah, it's not pathetic. I like it.'_ "Right. I'll just come right out and say it: I'm not interested in making Kagome my woman anymore." _His woman._ He had been incredibly foolish to think that by calling and verbally claiming a free-spirited girl with the title "his" that he would have any chance with her. She was not his, nor would she ever be.

To say that Ginta and Hakkaku were floored would have been the understatement of the century. Their jaws dropped, their eyes widened, and shock became them. They sputtered, attempted to form a question, and when speaking failed them, they just stared at him as if he had lost his mind. Perhaps he had, for this was the truest form of insanity there was and ever would be.

He did not want to drive them crazy with this prolonged silence, so Kouga decided just to come right out and say it. "I'm not in love with her, Ayame, or anyone like that. It's Inuyasha." Ginta scratched his scalp, Hakkaku cocked his head to the left and their eyes remained unchanged, vacant, as if they relied on more of an explanation than what was provided for them.

Before he lost his valor for the truth, he just said it. "Geez, you're gonna make me spell it out, aren't ya? It's Inuyasha. I like him the way that I did Kagome. My affections are now on him, he gives me butterflies...ya know. In that way." Butterflies. Yes, he had lost it.

His brothers’ worlds, for the most part, exploded. Ginta's jaw dropped and Kouga bit back a comment that stated that flies would find his open mouth a suitable place to live, and Hakkaku inhaled so deeply, he choked on his own saliva. To say the least, the brothers fell into an endless pit of chaos. The truth was hard to say, but above all, never pretty to watch.

"What? Kouga...are you crazy? We thought you loved Kagome! She's your woman!" Kouga shook his head.

"No, she's _not._ She never once wanted to be mine. I was stupid to think she did anything but tolerate me. Hell, would you like it if someone constantly interrupted your travels, all to give you flowers and compliments? I'd hate it if someone did that to me." _'Anyone but Inuyasha that is, but he'd never do that.'_

"But...we thought..." both of them trailed off in their confused stupor, and for the moment, they were at a loss for words. Their expressions were purely effusive, and their faces conveyed so many emotions at once, Kouga was unsure what to think. Consternation was the most prevalent, for it was in the way their eyes narrowed, signifying how their minds were trying to wrap around the idea. Shock was there too, buried deep beneath the veneer of the initial confusion. Kouga also wondered if, somewhere in their tumult of feelings, they felt betrayed. He had no idea _why_ they would feel that way, for in all honesty, this had nothing to do with them, and it didn't reflect on them.

Wait...yes, it did. This would change everything for them. They would no longer look at him as the same Kouga who had played with them when they were no more than pups, the same Kouga that left them in his dust, or the same Kouga who constantly submitted to ornery remarks about their sensitivity to certain things. He was not the same person who led them against the Birds of Paradise, nor the same person that led them in their quest against Naraku. It affected them far more than it did him, no matter if he was the one influenced by this "love thing."

There was no back-pedaling, no retracing of his steps; what was said could not be unsaid, and in this moment, in the jarring, ice-cold panic and pleasure of the seconds, he knew that this was the right thing to do. He was asking them to participate in a privy of sorts, a secret that would alter their perception of him, his not-just-yet love life, and ultimately, their journey in total.

Kouga realized that as he was thinking, he began chewing his lip again. He had never been known for petty oral fixations, or habits that would shape who he was; however, during this interminable period of time that he had uncovered this epiphany, he was reduced to this. It was maddening, infuriating, and it made him feel not like himself anymore. Blood ran down his throat, and he sighed aloud, not knowing what to think.

"Kouga...we don't care. This doesn't change anything, you're still our leader." Ginta met his gaze, and he smiled without strain.

Hakkaku met his eyes, and he gave a little shrug of his shoulders. "It's not that big of a deal, really. Inuyasha's good-looking, fast, quick in battle, and he's on our side; he's worthy of you." 

Kouga could not help himself: he busted into hearty laughter, and before long, the air seemed to vibrate with heartfelt guffaws from the trio. He was wrong once again, and he had severely underestimated the power of friendship; love would do that to someone, make them second-guess everything, even the blood-bonds.

"Hakkaku...are you sure you don't have a bit of a crush on him as well?" Kouga grinned so wide, he felt like his face would be permanently implanted with his smile. Hakkaku's shock at the claim, right down to the way his left eye twitched indicated that it was most certainly _not_ the case, and it made Kouga laugh harder. "I'm just giving you a hard time."

The moment passed, and a more austere mood filled the air, slicing joviality in half, again and again, until all that remained were the questions that needed answers, and a further explanation.

"Go on." Kouga straightened his back, took a deep breath, and met their eyes once more. "Ask away. I know you're dying to know how this happened."

Both Ginta and Hakkaku exchanged a look that indicated that they knew precisely what the other wolf was thinking and furthermore, what said wolf wanted to say. Sometimes Kouga wondered if they were clairvoyant, or just simply so in-tune with one another's thoughts that they knew the words that would be spoken before they were formed. Regardless, their anticipation was nearly palpable.

"So...it's true that you're...in love with Inuyasha?" Kouga nodded, wondering if that was it. He still had no idea what love really was, but if this throat-tightening, pulse-pounding, infuriating _feeling_ that came whenever the sword-wielding hanyou came to mind, then he figured he had some idea on how to explain himself.

"What about Kagome?" Kouga decided that was the perfect starting place.

"She's someone who I focused my sights on. She's powerful, and she can see the jewel shards, but that's it. I guess I just wanted her on my side as a strong tool or something, which doesn't sound very nice when you put it that way." He met their eyes, and made sure that this sentence ensconced itself permanently in his brothers' minds. "I never loved her."

"And Ayame?" Kouga was thankful that the night before proved to be productive, regardless of getting hit in the face with a well-timed foot. He could tell the truth about this.

"I released her from the promise, and told her exactly what I'm telling you right now. That's where I was last night, the business that I had to attend to. I was honest with her and I freed her from the promise I made. We're never getting married, and after she kicked my ass, I think she understood." Ginta chuckled, and Hakkaku nodded, almost as if he was in rapt attention to Kouga's words.

"That was very brave...she's scary when she's mad." Kouga chuckled, thinking all the while that they had no idea how true those words were.

"Yeah, she is." Kouga felt the last of the remaining tension leave his body, almost as if the mid-morning sun exorcized any deterrence that may have lingered, like a restless phantom intent on haunting him. He released the epitome of relief from his breath, eased onto his back, and folded his hands behind his head. His tail swished, and his eyes fixated on the sky. All was well, all would be well, and with the way that the clouds scattered across the periwinkle firmament, a lucidity settled over his mind. The truth was intense in the beginning, but with practice, it became easier and easier to open up, to be completely honest with the people he needed to exercise veracity on.

"We thought you loved Kagome." Kouga could not help the laugh that slipped from his lips, and the sound was a contradiction, for he was laughing more at himself than at the question. "No Ginta, I was wrong. Completely. It wasn't love at all. Hell, I didn't even know what love was."

The pause was interminable, and after a few long moments of watching the lazy clouds drift across the azure canvas, Kouga turned his head to look at his pack mates. They were looking at the ground, fumbling with rocks, doing things with their hands, almost as if the actions would stimulate their thought process. Kouga would not pressure them into telling him what they needed to say, for he knew how hard this must have been on them to even ask these questions, no matter if they said they were alright with his sexual preferences.

Hakkaku finally voiced the question. "And now? Do you know what love is?" The question was not unpredicted, but it scared Kouga all the same. This was exactly what he had been thinking about for the longest time, on what love really was.

There were different ways of viewing it, describing it, and above all, interpreting it. This entire week had been a mental maelstrom of racing thoughts, bad metaphors and analogies, and figuring out his plan. It had worked so far, but to voice his thoughts, to describe it...he feared getting it wrong.

It was an ill-placed fear, for there was not going to be someone who was going to, at random, crash through the bushes and undergrowth and proclaim for all the world, that he was wrongly teaching what he perceived as love. It was not something that was taught, rather than something that was felt, so deeply and so intensely that it had multiple meanings and ways of being viewed.

Which meant, to Kouga at least, that everyone had a different way of understanding it, which made him right.

"Yeah...I do."

Both Ginta and Hakkaku jumped to their feet at the same time, almost as if they were so moved by his admittance of knowing what love was, they felt inclined to stand.

"Tell us Kouga, don't keep us in the dark!" Kouga chuckled and propped his head up on his hand, his elbow digging into the smooth rocks by the river. He was prepared to tell them, in the clearest way that he could, what love was and how it felt.

"Well, alright. It feels kind of like you're sick." This was obviously not the first answer that came to mind when Ginta and Hakkaku thought of voicing the question. It was, above all things, a reality-check.

"Sick?" He nodded, all the while noting the confused looks that were exchanged. This was not what they expected in the least, and in a way, it was an eye-opener for how it would feel when it was their time.

"Yeah, sick. You feel like there's bugs under your skin, in your blood. Your forehead's all hot, and you have all this energy. You have trouble sleeping sometimes. Also, it feels like you've been running for hours without a breather, but you haven't been running."

Ginta's brow furrowed, Hakkaku touched his forehead, his chest, and then checked his pulse. Together, in a tandem of pantomime, they gave him the two most puzzled looks he had ever seen. They were both relatively bright, though at times certainly not the fastest rock in the landslide...but still.

"What?"

Kouga gave a sigh of exasperation. He had patience for these two, and the sigh was mainly for himself, but it was still taxing to attempt to explain his situation to them.

"Never mind. It's just something you need to feel for yourself."

Ginta jumped forward suddenly, almost as if he had come to some sort of conclusion. "No! I kinda get it! The running part...do you have trouble breathing?"

Kouga found himself nodding, though it was mainly to avoid groaning aloud. Ginta did get it, no matter if he truly didn't _get it_. "Yeah, it's exactly like that. Your heart beats really fast for no reason, other than thinking of the person you're really into. You could be sitting down like I am, and all of a sudden, it just comes over you." He was no poet, nor did he have any hope on having a way with words. However, for the moment, he did feel a certain degree of empowerment on bestowing his pack brothers with this shred of information, no matter how minute the advice was.

Hakkaku exhaled a steady breath. "Wow. That kinda sucks." Kouga chuckled, recalling that a month ago, he'd had that exact thought.

"That's what I first thought too. I also thought that I was dying, for I had never felt anything quite so intense before. But underneath all that, once you accept it...it's pretty great." He said the last sentence with such clarity, with such resolve that all those in the vicinity who heard his words wouldn't be able to do anything but agree with him. There was no room for argument, for he was so sure of himself, so sure of his intentions and heart, that for a moment he forgot where he was.

For that split second that would be engraved in the fabric of eternity, he knew a plane of certainty he hadn't known could exist, much less come over him with the short amount of time it took for him to take a breath.

Then, the moment passed, and all he could think about was in making this feeling, this emotion real to the one who it was meant for.

"Well, it sounds to me like you're under a spell." A spell? Kouga could see why Ginta would think so. Also, he had thought about the possibility of Naraku casting some enchantment over him, all for the sake of fun, and getting almost-but-not-quite friends to fight one another to the death, all for pieces of a sacred jewel.

However, this purity, this brilliancy of the spirit and mind didn't come from sinister words or endless ingredients; it came from instinct, from the center of his being. Not even Naraku could fashion anything in its likeness, or hope to copy it into a sham of an incarnation.

"Sometimes, it sure feels like it."

A spell. That was almost the perfect word to describe this. Spells created magic, and this was most definitely magic, this feeling that was above all feeling. It was all for the one he was supposed to hate. But hate was not a part of his vocabulary for Inuyasha anymore. The word's lighter twin came to mind, the word love that he was still struggling to define, much less explain.

"It sounds like you're going a little crazy." Kouga inhaled a sharp intake of breath, and busted into laughter. So Hakkaku did understand after all. That was almost precisely how it felt. Sometimes, his mind was under siege with so many thoughts at once, all of them circling around the hanyou, that he thought his head would surely implode. At night, when he was supposed to be sleeping, all he could think about were the past encounters he'd had with the hanyou and how so much had changed, though it still remained unspoken.

Unbidden, Kouga began to think of Inuyasha's appearance, and once he began that train of thought, he knew he was in for a complete mental back-pedal in reclaiming his sanity. He remembered Inuyasha's garments and the way that they complimented his sun-bronzed skin perfectly, the robe fashioned for him alone, for no one could ever hope to look as good as he did in it. There was his hair again, snow-white, revealing those pink-lined ears that showcased not only who, but what he was to the world: a half-breed, not part of any one species, but part of both. And above all, there were his eyes, those beautiful, intense eyes that burned and blazed through his soul with the speed of a powerful sword attack. Those eyes could send him to his knees if he looked at them long enough, or they could turn him into a jabbering, chattering mess.

These thoughts were insane, completely inappropriate. Also, they were insanely stupid. What man was knocked senseless by another person's eyes and use of dress? He was, that was who. Besides, he now had two titles: Kouga of the eastern wolf-tribe and the corn-picking, cheese-eating, sap-sucking lover who pined for a rival he had spent too much time hating.

"Yeah well, that too. Sometimes, I think I'm crazy." Love was insanity, inexplicable, and above all, indescribable. With the way he was attempting to word it, it sounded like he was nothing but a love-lorn fool, all for someone who more than likely did not return the affection. Never had he felt this ambivalent about something in his entire life.

That was why they said it only happened once, for if it happened more than once, it would shock the soul too much. Once...for the truest love.

Kouga could not help the face he made. True love? What was this, some fairy-tale? Though, he knew that there were story-tellers who wove tales, using this land and the creatures that dwelled in it, as the inspiration for the stories. Who knew? Maybe one day, someone would tell his story, the tale on his attempt to woo his rival.

He was now using the word woo. Yes, he was insane.

Ginta and Hakkaku exchanged a look, and at the same time, in what could only be described as vocal telepathy, asked the question: "All for Inuyasha?"

Kouga took a few moments to collect himself before he even began thinking about how to answer that. This was the most important part of the entire situation, the most relevant piece of information he would have to confront, sooner rather than later. He was never one for delaying the inevitable.

Why Inuyasha indeed. Why not Kagome, the young girl who he had once proclaimed with vehemence that she was "his woman." She was the lovely long-limbed, doe-eyed girl from the future, the one who was blessed with the gift of seeing sacred jewel shards. She was everything he could want, everything that he was taught to want. She treated him right, smelled great, and he knew that she would make an excellent mother to any children she bore him. However...he just couldn't see it anymore. He couldn't see her in the caves, clothed in furs, smiling to chubby-cheeked, bushy-tailed offspring. It had been lust, or a dominance issue, for she was something that Inuyasha wanted, but was too reluctant to attempt to take for himself.

As to Ayame, he had felt nothing for her aside from a brief friendship, or if he thought about it, she fell into the position of a sister: a hyperactive, stubborn, fiery-tempered sister. Ever so foolishly, he had asked her to be his when she had hardly been a mile away from her home in her life, much less old enough to understand what it meant to join him in royal matrimony. It was a very, very bad mistake on his part to lead her on, and then dash her hopes to the winds, like brittle flower petals.

_'Third time's the charm.'_

Somehow, in all of the bickering, instigating, and constant antagonizing he'd endured almost on a weekly basis with Inuyasha, petty rivalry had become something much more profound. He remembered hearing the insults Inuyasha shouted at him pass through his ears, for all he could hear was the hanyou's voice in full, beneath the rough-edge showcased in the voice itself. The tenor was soothing and yet striking, as if it was the sharp underbelly of a blunt looking river rock, one that had precious stones deep within its core. That tone sliced through Kouga's irritation and he found himself go completely slack, boneless, until he realized he was staring at Inuyasha, almost as if there was something hideous growing on his face.

Inuyasha had stopped in mid-sentence, gave him a funny look, and Kouga found it hard to breathe. It was as if there was something attached to him, a parasite or leech that drained away all oxygen from him for that immeasurable period of time. Golden eyes dissected him, his skin vibrated as if there was lightning trapped in his blood, and his heart ricocheted in his ears, like cannon-fire.

Four more times it happened, and in those times, Kouga lost all of his well-thought out remarks, every comeback fleeing from his throat like escaped energies from a barren host. Inuyasha must have surely thought he was brain-damaged and always walked away from their scuffles looking more than a little unnerved and irritated, for Kouga had forsaken the will to fight him.

One month later, here he was, having deciphered the feeling hundreds upon hundreds of times, until he had finally come to this infuriating, scary-as-hell conclusion: that in all of the times they fought, in every battle of wits and physical scuffle, Kouga had been attracted to Inuyasha all along. It was misplaced on Kagome, and earlier on, the young girl Ayame. He couldn't quite determine what it was that held him so captive about the marvelous half-breed, but there was something that both repulsed him and led him to who Inuyasha was. They were alike on some levels, for they were both fighters who wanted for the world to be rid of Naraku's taint, and they felt the need to impress others more than necessary, to keep up their tough-as-nails facade, when in actuality, they hurt just like the rest of their pack mates.  
They weren't so different. And once Inuyasha knew that Kouga would never try anything with Kagome, there was nothing that would cause them to fight every time their paths crossed.

That was wishful thinking at its finest. However, he couldn't help the optimism, for it had taken him this far.

Now that his own pack mates knew what was going on with him, there was a part three to the plan. It was now in five parts, but he didn't want to think that far ahead just yet. He had been lucky up until this point, and he didn't wish to jinx it or blow his chances by catapulting ahead into the blank unknown of attraction.

Kouga looked up, blinked a few times, and then emitted a sputtering noise from his mouth. He realized that in all of this time of musing and forethought, that he had never answered his brother's question.  
How could he possibly voice everything he felt? Was there a way?

Kouga stood up, cracked his neck and back a few times, and then looked towards the skies. He hated being cryptic more than anything, for mysteries never intrigued him; they pissed him off. However, in this situation, there was nothing more that could be said. "Let's just say we're alike, and that's a turn-on." He gestured towards the kill, implying that if his brothers wanted anymore, they would have to eat it now. When they proclaimed that they were full, Kouga quickly buried the bones deep in the earth, put out the fire, and turned to face his brothers. "Well, what are you standing there for? We have a long way to go if we're going to see Kagome today."

Upon mentioning Kagome's name, all confusion left both Ginta and Hakkaku's faces. "Kagome? Awesome! Let's go then!"

Kouga felt a moment of victory unlike that of anything he had ever dreamt before. He pivoted on his heel and sincerely thought he had gotten out of explaining why he was attracted to Inuyasha. Then reality splintered his delirium.

"Kouga...you got a plan?" A plan...

The wolf-prince turned on his heel, met Ginta's gaze, and nodded. "Of course. I don't go into things unplanned." Ginta nodded, and Hakkaku's eyes met the ground. It didn't take a genius to understand what they were thinking. This declaration of attraction would wholeheartedly change their relationship at some point, for if word got out that he was attempting to court another male, he would be dishonored and in a worse-case scenario, deposed of his throne and title.

"Hey, no long faces now. This is my life here. Besides, if I was stupid enough to fall in love with Inuyasha, maybe one of you two will be a better leader than me." Ginta met his level-headed gaze, and the briefest spark hit his eyes, like fire tinder. He nodded, and they exchanged a smile.

"We'll vouch for you, you know. They can't do anything yet!" Kouga chuckled, thinking all the while that these two had no idea what the leaders were capable of.

"Thanks. I really appreciate that." Kouga gestured to his left, to the trail that led to the forests. That was where the winds were blowing the most, and with the wind came scents, a scent that would lead him to Inuyasha. The thought terrified him and appealed to him at the same time, because for the first time, he wanted to see him and not Kagome. So much could go wrong, so much hope could be extinguished with this meeting. But he had to try. "Let's save that for later though. We're burnin' daylight."

Ginta and Hakkaku exchanged a look, grinned so wide Kouga thought their faces would split in half, and then they gave him a saccharine, obnoxious look.

"Ooooh, Kouga wants to see his..." Kouga glared at them, snarled, and a trio of cat-calls and suggestive comments thundered through the forests, startling the birds from their nests.

This was one way to get to Inuyasha he knew, no matter if it was by gentle infuriating measures.


End file.
